Why?

[milleniumgypsy]

People here that used to be my friends and I wasted my time on apparently remove me from their friends list. Because...? Because I don't post here actively right now? Does it hurt their ratings or something? I go in cycles. I've been hiatus-y here before, and just done 'updates' with twitter. I realize they're not all that exciting, but hey at least you know I'm not dead. And if someone comments I can answer from my email. (I'm a lazy horrible person, I /know/).
I never remove people from my friends list unless they remove me. Every person who removes me makes it less likely that I'll ever want to return, because I see it as a 'you're not important enough to scroll past a small text post of', or 'you're so unimportant that the lack of updates means I've forgotten who you even are', or something. But at one point I tried hard to spend my time on you, and /I/ remember you. I don't know why I bother. Everyone leaves eventually.

I dunno, I'm hormonal and unhappy and that last person who removed me just bothers me. (Especially as they're friends only. I'm shut out of their life forever I suppose.)

Comments

[agentbethbonsai.livejournal.com]

My liege, I would NEVER remove you from my list!

Besides, those who do are just poopyheads. XD

[invsagoth.livejournal.com]

ehehe, I'm glad that you won't. x3

all the poopyheads I shall smite with Loki's scepter XD

[agentbethbonsai.livejournal.com]

I just read your comment and started cackling in loud laughter....not gonna lie.

Besides, who would recruit new members into your army if I did remove you?

[invsagoth.livejournal.com]

// ehehe, I'm glad. x3 //

"My army always needs new members." Chuckles lowly. "And smiting generally puts me in a better mood."

[agentbethbonsai.livejournal.com]

"I certainly hope you don't smite ME, my liege. I have done nothing wrong..as far as I know."

[invsagoth.livejournal.com]

"Oh no, you've been a loyal member of my army." Grins. "Not that I'm always the most rational of beings, but no, no smiting necessary~"

[agentbethbonsai.livejournal.com]

"Thank you, my prince."

[ericadawn16.livejournal.com]

Assholes

[invsagoth.livejournal.com]

*nodnod*

[leia131.livejournal.com]

Oh no! People on LJ can be so weird.

I was so excited to see you posting again, even if it was just Twitter, because I had actually been a little worried about you. It's nice to hear/see your thoughts again, even if they're in a limited number of characters. :)

[invsagoth.livejournal.com]

I know! It's such an odd thing to me to have someone remove me because I'm not posting enough. (Which has been a few people) and then remove me now that I'm twitter updating(?). Especially as they had been people who'd regularly commented here, and I'd regularly commented in their journals. Shite, I'd even sent some of them actual physical mail. ~_~ But they just remove me without a word. It sucks.

I'm glad that you're excited that I'm at least twitter updating! xD Sorry for worrying you though. *snugs*

[domluver.livejournal.com]

For me you usually have to be dead or annoy me, or haven't updated in AGES before I remove you. There's people on my flist who I've been friends with for decades and they never update but I keep 'em just in case.

[invsagoth.livejournal.com]

I know right? If someone is inactive that's not going to bother me. I'd only defriend if someone was posting things that I really don't like. If someone's inactive and especially if they've been my friend I just... hope they come back someday. I don't abandon them, especially if it doesn't hurt me to keep them around.

[tanyareed.livejournal.com]

The same thing's been happening to me lately. Someone defriended me this week that I've been friends with for years. :(

[invsagoth.livejournal.com]

Aw, I'm sorry to hear that. :( I don't understand the compulsion!

[jeune-fleur.livejournal.com]

I'm very sorry this happened to you :( people can be so weird sometimes!

[invsagoth.livejournal.com]

They can be! Nngh. I know I was feeling a bit irrationally effected by it yesterday, but it still sucks regardless. :/

[dieastra.livejournal.com]

A long time ago, when I was new at LJ, I once removed someone without telling her. She had added me and I had added her back, thinking that’s the way to do this. But we had practically nothing in common and after our first conversation never spoke again. She never commented on my posts, I never commented on hers. I found it hard to find anything to comment on, as she only wrote lengthy posts about a computer game she was playing, which I have no understanding of, and she never used an LJ cut, so these were really long posts to scroll by, plus often she would post in Spanish which I don’t understand. So I thought all these are fairly reasonable reasons why I would not want to have that on my friends list any longer.

Half a year later she noticed and wrote a very angry PM how I would dare to remove her just like that and she thought we had gone along nicely. I responded, telling my exact reasons in a calm manner, getting another angry message back. When I tried to explain again, I was blocked and couldn’t send the note.

I had no idea I need to ask permission about what I want on my friends list and what not? I’m the one that decides what she wants to read and what not? But I have learnt my lesson, and since then I don’t friend people easily. I look at their LJ first, scrolling back many posts, and some journals are that way that you want to read more and more and can’t stop. Sometimes I scroll so far back till there literally aren’t any posts left. And then I think, this looks like an interesting person, and friend her. But I don’t automatically friend everyone back that friends me, thankfully LJ works also one way. My post are mostly public anyway.

Having said that, I hope one day you will find creativity in you again, as I always really enjoyed your creative picture posts.

[invsagoth.livejournal.com]

It's not that you have to ask. It's just that these particular people that I'm thinking of I've /actually/ spent a lot of time talking with. The most recent one I'd gone so far as to exchange actual physical mail with. (Said person has a friends only journal as well, so now I can't see anything she posts either.) To have someone that I'd considered that much of an online friend just remove me without even saying anything sucks.

If we've never really interacted, or just even if we have but just casually, I don't care if they remove me from their friends list. I'm crazy, but I'm not /that/ crazy. (The person that you're talking about with that level of interaction I would have just defriended back and not thought a thing about it lol)

[dieastra.livejournal.com]

I understand that you are hurt. You could ask them for their reasons of course, but it wouldn't change anything I guess. And it would make you feel even more sad, if they lie to you.

However, this is nothing new with the internet. Back when I used to write real long letters with a lot of people, I also was friends (we never had met but had planned to do one day) with a girl. And we had lots of common interests and I always really looked forward to her letters.

Then, one day, I got a postcard saying "I'm sorry, I'll have to stop the pen friendship. You were one of my best friends and it has nothing to do with you but it has to be this way. Bye."

Never heard from her again. Of course you wonder, why? What could have happened? A serious illness? Too busy? I never figured out why.

Another friend I also wrote real long letters with - 30+ pages! has changed so much that we simply don't have anything in common anymore. We used to talk about fandom - a certain German author we both loved, and he had a huge collection, also shared with me old stuff I never was able to get as I grew up in Eastern Germany. She really had a huge collection and had decorated her home accordingly, she was so creative and had many good ideas.

Then, all of a sudden, she changed completely. "Simplify your life" is her motto now. I have no idea what happened to the collection and if she threw it all away or not, but she is now of the opinion that less is more. Which of course is a valid opinion, it's just - I and my many figures and lots of stuff I have - I can't understand it. So, we stopped writing letters. A while ago I called her, to ask how she is and what she is up to now. She has also become quite religious now, and told me about a vacation in one of those monasteries where you can stay for three weeks as a guest - and not speak a word in all those weeks.

I think, in such cases, it is not good to try and keep the friendship by force, as you would be only disappointed. We have to accept that people change, and sometimes we don't want to make that change with them.

On the other hand, when Stargate was over, I thought I would lose contact with all my Stargate friends. Then I became a fan of Torchwood, and when I came to the new forum all of them already were there. Especially one friend with which I hadn't been that close before has become a dear friend now, as we connected over John Barrowman, she helped me in the beginning, lending me her CDs and books and we got really close by that and now travel together to the UK.

[meathiel]

Just don't go all silent again ... it can really worry people, you know! ;-)

[invsagoth.livejournal.com]

ehehe, I know. I'm at least trying to make sure I poke at my RL twitter, partly so ya'll know I'm not dead. xD

[ibeliveinfaes.livejournal.com]

*hug* I don't post or comment very often, but I promise, I read every post on my Friends page.

[invsagoth.livejournal.com]

I understand that. Sometimes I'm really active and other times I'm a hardcore lurker. It's fine of course. *hugs* :3

[manda-kitty.livejournal.com]

*hugs*