Why?

[milleniumgypsy]

People here that used to be my friends and I wasted my time on apparently remove me from their friends list. Because...? Because I don't post here actively right now? Does it hurt their ratings or something? I go in cycles. I've been hiatus-y here before, and just done 'updates' with twitter. I realize they're not all that exciting, but hey at least you know I'm not dead. And if someone comments I can answer from my email. (I'm a lazy horrible person, I /know/).
I never remove people from my friends list unless they remove me. Every person who removes me makes it less likely that I'll ever want to return, because I see it as a 'you're not important enough to scroll past a small text post of', or 'you're so unimportant that the lack of updates means I've forgotten who you even are', or something. But at one point I tried hard to spend my time on you, and /I/ remember you. I don't know why I bother. Everyone leaves eventually.

I dunno, I'm hormonal and unhappy and that last person who removed me just bothers me. (Especially as they're friends only. I'm shut out of their life forever I suppose.)

Comments

[dieastra.livejournal.com]

I understand that you are hurt. You could ask them for their reasons of course, but it wouldn't change anything I guess. And it would make you feel even more sad, if they lie to you.

However, this is nothing new with the internet. Back when I used to write real long letters with a lot of people, I also was friends (we never had met but had planned to do one day) with a girl. And we had lots of common interests and I always really looked forward to her letters.

Then, one day, I got a postcard saying "I'm sorry, I'll have to stop the pen friendship. You were one of my best friends and it has nothing to do with you but it has to be this way. Bye."

Never heard from her again. Of course you wonder, why? What could have happened? A serious illness? Too busy? I never figured out why.

Another friend I also wrote real long letters with - 30+ pages! has changed so much that we simply don't have anything in common anymore. We used to talk about fandom - a certain German author we both loved, and he had a huge collection, also shared with me old stuff I never was able to get as I grew up in Eastern Germany. She really had a huge collection and had decorated her home accordingly, she was so creative and had many good ideas.

Then, all of a sudden, she changed completely. "Simplify your life" is her motto now. I have no idea what happened to the collection and if she threw it all away or not, but she is now of the opinion that less is more. Which of course is a valid opinion, it's just - I and my many figures and lots of stuff I have - I can't understand it. So, we stopped writing letters. A while ago I called her, to ask how she is and what she is up to now. She has also become quite religious now, and told me about a vacation in one of those monasteries where you can stay for three weeks as a guest - and not speak a word in all those weeks.

I think, in such cases, it is not good to try and keep the friendship by force, as you would be only disappointed. We have to accept that people change, and sometimes we don't want to make that change with them.

On the other hand, when Stargate was over, I thought I would lose contact with all my Stargate friends. Then I became a fan of Torchwood, and when I came to the new forum all of them already were there. Especially one friend with which I hadn't been that close before has become a dear friend now, as we connected over John Barrowman, she helped me in the beginning, lending me her CDs and books and we got really close by that and now travel together to the UK.