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Serious stuff
Feb. 18th, 2008 02:10 pmSo I'm looking into getting some sort of biology job for the summer instead of staying here at Signal again. I might like being here, but I'm not a huge fan of my job- manager perks and all. Plus it's not something getting me experience in my field. I've been applying to places for the last few months. The Delaware position is looking promising, I've at least made it to the final stage. Of course, there isn't anything saying that someone else won't get the job because they have X number of years of experience, two BS degrees, and an MS or something like that. I've lost MS assistantships to people who were ridiculously qualified, so I'm only exaggerating a bit. :P But I need to start somewhere, ya'know? It'd be nice to get some experience.
However, our health benefits kick in this summer. Plus Scottie has his manager position with free rent/food/manager comps/401k/etc. While it would be best for me to go do a biology job somewhere even if it's only temporary, it would be best for us financially for Scottie to stay here. I won't be making a whole lot of money, and it'll be only seasonal- so it's not somewhere I'll stay for a few years, like when I go to grad school.
So I've been bottling those emotions of being separated from him again. It was hard when I was in MI and he was in CO because I was at MTU. We've done it before, and we can do it again- but it isn't easy. The thought of being separated again makes me feel absolutely horrible. I think in a way it will be worse for me than before because I won't be in MI with my family and friends- I'll be in a strange state away from EVERYBODY that I care about. I'll probably throw myself into work, but there is only so much being a workaholic can help.
So there's that.
Then last night I got an email from my mom about stuff. She said that my dog Gesundheit who I love very much isn't doing so well. I've been worried about him for a long time, and because of his heart I knew he only had a couple more years left as it is... Anyway, he's been getting really winded when trying to play, he gets tired more often than before. He also has been growling at nothing, and the other day when mom went to pet him he snapped at her face. He's never bit anyone before, and the only times he's ever snapped before were in the last year or so probably when my brother was intentionally doing things to irritate or hurt him.
So not only is his health failing him, mom is worried that his mind is also failing him.
Also the other day one of his teeth fell out. Apparently one day it was jutting out weird, and then it fell out. That isn't good.
And ya'll know my stupid brother? Well, he's been giving up on school for a while now. Not because he can't do the work, he's just a lazy git. He turned 16 this January, so guess what he did? He dropped out. My brother who was too lazy to learn anything- so he can hardly read, do basic math, handle math, can't write or read cursive, and can barely write. I TRIED to help him, but when I was working hard to do my own studies, I just didn't have the time or patience to help someone who only wants you to do the work for him, and is obviously not listening/learning/caring. Plus he's not my kid. He's my flippin spoiled brother.
Mom knew he wanted to drop out, and she said he was going to put him through 'mom school', where he would have to learn life skills. In her most recent letter though she said that she wasn't really going to think it was going to work because he won't listen.
She's spoiled him rotten though, quite literally it seems. He's never had to do anything for himself, she hands him everything on a silver platter. He doesn't have to make himself dinner, because he can tell Tasha, who doesn't want to but has to, make him a can of Beefaronis or something. Which btw are bought special for him because he won't eat anything else, and nobody else is allowed to eat. Mild example, and I don't want to get into it further than that.
So my brother now has no education, no skills, no motivation, no nothing. I have no idea what he's actually going to do with his life.
Perhaps that's why Gesunt snapped at mom. With my brother alone at home all the time, and my brother LOVES to tease/hurt/annoy/whatever him all the time. At least that's the way he was before I left. Mom said he's better now, but I haven't seen it. And she always turns a blind eye to what he does, so I can't say he REALLY is better. It could be just that I'm not there to point out that he's being a prick.
My grandma isn't doing so hot. Her sight is just getting steadily worse, she doesn't really do anything anymore except sit in bed. She doesn't have much quality of life. Mom keeps telling me that her mind is also going. She's also been sick. Grampa, who has never done this before, went to the funeral home to try and get things ready for when she dies. He can't though, because they had to get divorced so that my gramma could get on social security because they couldn't afford her medications and health care. They had done it for a long time with health insurance, but things got fucked of course for reasons I won't go into (suffice to say they got royally fucked, but it wasn't anything that they did). So since they are divorced grampa won't have power of attorney after she dies. My grampa has never gone to the funeral home to make arrangements before, not even when she's been in the hospital with doctors predicting death. She's just at home, not even in the hospital. He knows her better than anyone else. She must be fading.
Like the case with my dog where the vet has told us that because of serious medical problems that can't be fixed there are was only a certain amount of years left, the doctors told us gramma only had a few more years left. That was a few years ago for gramma, and a couple years ago for my dog. The end of those time periods are coming up.
So in a nutshell- I'm probably going to have to spend the summer away from my husband, as well as away from everyone that I know; my dog is probably going to die soon, my gramma may die soon (that is hard to type), and my dipshit brother dropped out of high school. Currently, I could really care less about the dropout thing, it's not my problem, but that's just one of the things going on so I included it.
However, our health benefits kick in this summer. Plus Scottie has his manager position with free rent/food/manager comps/401k/etc. While it would be best for me to go do a biology job somewhere even if it's only temporary, it would be best for us financially for Scottie to stay here. I won't be making a whole lot of money, and it'll be only seasonal- so it's not somewhere I'll stay for a few years, like when I go to grad school.
So I've been bottling those emotions of being separated from him again. It was hard when I was in MI and he was in CO because I was at MTU. We've done it before, and we can do it again- but it isn't easy. The thought of being separated again makes me feel absolutely horrible. I think in a way it will be worse for me than before because I won't be in MI with my family and friends- I'll be in a strange state away from EVERYBODY that I care about. I'll probably throw myself into work, but there is only so much being a workaholic can help.
So there's that.
Then last night I got an email from my mom about stuff. She said that my dog Gesundheit who I love very much isn't doing so well. I've been worried about him for a long time, and because of his heart I knew he only had a couple more years left as it is... Anyway, he's been getting really winded when trying to play, he gets tired more often than before. He also has been growling at nothing, and the other day when mom went to pet him he snapped at her face. He's never bit anyone before, and the only times he's ever snapped before were in the last year or so probably when my brother was intentionally doing things to irritate or hurt him.
So not only is his health failing him, mom is worried that his mind is also failing him.
Also the other day one of his teeth fell out. Apparently one day it was jutting out weird, and then it fell out. That isn't good.
And ya'll know my stupid brother? Well, he's been giving up on school for a while now. Not because he can't do the work, he's just a lazy git. He turned 16 this January, so guess what he did? He dropped out. My brother who was too lazy to learn anything- so he can hardly read, do basic math, handle math, can't write or read cursive, and can barely write. I TRIED to help him, but when I was working hard to do my own studies, I just didn't have the time or patience to help someone who only wants you to do the work for him, and is obviously not listening/learning/caring. Plus he's not my kid. He's my flippin spoiled brother.
Mom knew he wanted to drop out, and she said he was going to put him through 'mom school', where he would have to learn life skills. In her most recent letter though she said that she wasn't really going to think it was going to work because he won't listen.
She's spoiled him rotten though, quite literally it seems. He's never had to do anything for himself, she hands him everything on a silver platter. He doesn't have to make himself dinner, because he can tell Tasha, who doesn't want to but has to, make him a can of Beefaronis or something. Which btw are bought special for him because he won't eat anything else, and nobody else is allowed to eat. Mild example, and I don't want to get into it further than that.
So my brother now has no education, no skills, no motivation, no nothing. I have no idea what he's actually going to do with his life.
Perhaps that's why Gesunt snapped at mom. With my brother alone at home all the time, and my brother LOVES to tease/hurt/annoy/whatever him all the time. At least that's the way he was before I left. Mom said he's better now, but I haven't seen it. And she always turns a blind eye to what he does, so I can't say he REALLY is better. It could be just that I'm not there to point out that he's being a prick.
My grandma isn't doing so hot. Her sight is just getting steadily worse, she doesn't really do anything anymore except sit in bed. She doesn't have much quality of life. Mom keeps telling me that her mind is also going. She's also been sick. Grampa, who has never done this before, went to the funeral home to try and get things ready for when she dies. He can't though, because they had to get divorced so that my gramma could get on social security because they couldn't afford her medications and health care. They had done it for a long time with health insurance, but things got fucked of course for reasons I won't go into (suffice to say they got royally fucked, but it wasn't anything that they did). So since they are divorced grampa won't have power of attorney after she dies. My grampa has never gone to the funeral home to make arrangements before, not even when she's been in the hospital with doctors predicting death. She's just at home, not even in the hospital. He knows her better than anyone else. She must be fading.
Like the case with my dog where the vet has told us that because of serious medical problems that can't be fixed there are was only a certain amount of years left, the doctors told us gramma only had a few more years left. That was a few years ago for gramma, and a couple years ago for my dog. The end of those time periods are coming up.
So in a nutshell- I'm probably going to have to spend the summer away from my husband, as well as away from everyone that I know; my dog is probably going to die soon, my gramma may die soon (that is hard to type), and my dipshit brother dropped out of high school. Currently, I could really care less about the dropout thing, it's not my problem, but that's just one of the things going on so I included it.
