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I recommend this book to no one. You can read the other books and pretend this one doesn't exist if you like. It's one of the most awful books I have ever had the misfortune of reading. And at nearly 700 pages, there's probably better things that could be done instead. Like watching paint dry. It would be less infuriating.
The Land of Painted Caves by Jean M. Auel
My rating: 1 of 5 stars
I just finished this book and I have to say I was really disappointed. I started reading this series when I was only a child, and while I know I wasn't as discerning at 10 as I would be today, I am sad that the series went so far downhill. I listened to this book on audiobook and if I wasn't busy doing something else while listening I wouldn't have been able to finish it. It was just that bad.
I know Ms Auel is getting on in years, and I feel like that might have had something to do with it. I felt like I was listening to the stereotypical old person reciting stories from their youth that they forgot they told you about already. In fact, they just told you that story 5 minutes ago! Ten times!
There are quite a few things that you will be beaten over the head with in this book.
Like... Ayla has a strange accent! It tooootally shows that she's foreigner. Hey, we're meeting someone new! Did you know that Ayla had a strange accent? She must have come from far away. Did I mention she has an exotic accent?
Seriously, this happened every time she met someone new. She met a lot of people. The wording of what happened when people noticed her accent hardly changed. It also added nothing to the story as the new characters rarely commented on it.
Also, Ayla has animals! People are shocked and awed when they see them! If you ever forget, Ayla has animals! That listen to her! This surprises people! Over and over again.
The One Who is First is fat. Like, really fat. Since you're likely to forget, Auel nearly always says something like "the large woman" or "the corpulent woman" any time she's in a scene, usually multiple times. It's ok though, because she's also powerful and all knowing, which she will also tell you. Often.
I assume she's fat so that Jondalar is conveniently no longer attracted to her.
I don't have a problem with the character being overweight, but I really don't think it needs to be mentioned at all times for no real reason. Can't she just be herself without the fat label attached?
Of course, she will also remind you every ten seconds that Ayla and Jondalar are like, totally hawt.
We get reminded that Jondalar is 10 feet tall with eyes so blue they'll melt the panties right off of you and that he has a schlong the size of a mammoth at every conceivable (and inconceivable?) moment. Apparently the fact that Jondalar is more handsome than a sparkling vampire gives him a free pass in life. I don't really remember this as being a big issue in previous books, but it was continually brought up in this book.
Seriously though, every good guy in this book is insanely handsome and like 7 feet tall. It's kind of ridiculous.
Auel will also really get into the realism of the scene by mentioning that people need to go "pass water", and will make sure that you follow them on their harrowing adventure to find a bush to pee behind. I'm not going to go count the number of times she felt the need to let me know when the characters needed to relieve themselves, but it was far too many considering I never needed to know in the first place.
Introductions were also long and tedious and there for no apparent reason. I feel like the introduction tedium was less than the previous book, but I don't really need to hear the thoughts of Ayla as she wrestles with how formal her introduction needs to be either.
We also hear The Mother's Song again! A lot. After the first couple of times I started to fast forward through it. Sure, I can fast forward through it and I could skip over it in print... but if I'm not going to ever read it why waste the paper? Is she being paid by the word?
Also, did you know how to count? If you don't, we're going to sit through a lecture on how to count. If you count on all ten fingers and put one down one as a placeholder, you can count past ten! ZOMG. I realize this was a novel concept but I don't want to listen to a 10 minute lecture on HOW TO COUNT. Or another lecture on colors!
The first third of the book was filled with rehashing of stories from previous books, which is unnecessarily repetitive. I read those books already, I know what happened.
The middle of the book follows Ayla as she explores caves for her training. I felt that I was following the author as she went one some tours of painted caves. There's painting of a horse! Look, there's a painting of a mammoth! There's some hand prints! There's dots! There's another horse!
It would be potentially more interesting if there was speculation on how or why the paintings were made, but all of these paintings were made by "the ancients", so the ancients we are following have no idea what any of the caves mean.
It was a slide show without slides. That was all.
Then we get to the end. There is the Great Reveal! Which is that when a man and a woman get it on they make babies. Oh dear. This was not the great reveal I would have wanted for the finale of a book series.
I don't know what really happens to Ayla in the future. Does she become a religious leader? It seems like the First has been pushing her into this since the last book, and that's actually annoying because Ayla doesn't even want to be really. She wants to be a wife and a mother, and a healer. WHICH SHE ALREADY WAS. It's like, somebody wants to be a doctor, and they have all the training and they are THE BEST DOCTOR EVER, like the House of her time, but someone says 'Well, you need to get a law degree first! Say goodbye to your husband and child because you're not going to see them much!'
I am fine with a mother wanting a career, that's a good thing. I'm not fine with someone being pushed into a career that they don't necessarily even want. I've been annoyed with the First since the last book because she's scheming to make Ayla into what she wants her to be, damn what Ayla actually wants.
View all my reviews
The Land of Painted Caves by Jean M. AuelMy rating: 1 of 5 stars
I just finished this book and I have to say I was really disappointed. I started reading this series when I was only a child, and while I know I wasn't as discerning at 10 as I would be today, I am sad that the series went so far downhill. I listened to this book on audiobook and if I wasn't busy doing something else while listening I wouldn't have been able to finish it. It was just that bad.
I know Ms Auel is getting on in years, and I feel like that might have had something to do with it. I felt like I was listening to the stereotypical old person reciting stories from their youth that they forgot they told you about already. In fact, they just told you that story 5 minutes ago! Ten times!
There are quite a few things that you will be beaten over the head with in this book.
Like... Ayla has a strange accent! It tooootally shows that she's foreigner. Hey, we're meeting someone new! Did you know that Ayla had a strange accent? She must have come from far away. Did I mention she has an exotic accent?
Seriously, this happened every time she met someone new. She met a lot of people. The wording of what happened when people noticed her accent hardly changed. It also added nothing to the story as the new characters rarely commented on it.
Also, Ayla has animals! People are shocked and awed when they see them! If you ever forget, Ayla has animals! That listen to her! This surprises people! Over and over again.
The One Who is First is fat. Like, really fat. Since you're likely to forget, Auel nearly always says something like "the large woman" or "the corpulent woman" any time she's in a scene, usually multiple times. It's ok though, because she's also powerful and all knowing, which she will also tell you. Often.
I assume she's fat so that Jondalar is conveniently no longer attracted to her.
I don't have a problem with the character being overweight, but I really don't think it needs to be mentioned at all times for no real reason. Can't she just be herself without the fat label attached?
Of course, she will also remind you every ten seconds that Ayla and Jondalar are like, totally hawt.
We get reminded that Jondalar is 10 feet tall with eyes so blue they'll melt the panties right off of you and that he has a schlong the size of a mammoth at every conceivable (and inconceivable?) moment. Apparently the fact that Jondalar is more handsome than a sparkling vampire gives him a free pass in life. I don't really remember this as being a big issue in previous books, but it was continually brought up in this book.
Seriously though, every good guy in this book is insanely handsome and like 7 feet tall. It's kind of ridiculous.
Auel will also really get into the realism of the scene by mentioning that people need to go "pass water", and will make sure that you follow them on their harrowing adventure to find a bush to pee behind. I'm not going to go count the number of times she felt the need to let me know when the characters needed to relieve themselves, but it was far too many considering I never needed to know in the first place.
Introductions were also long and tedious and there for no apparent reason. I feel like the introduction tedium was less than the previous book, but I don't really need to hear the thoughts of Ayla as she wrestles with how formal her introduction needs to be either.
We also hear The Mother's Song again! A lot. After the first couple of times I started to fast forward through it. Sure, I can fast forward through it and I could skip over it in print... but if I'm not going to ever read it why waste the paper? Is she being paid by the word?
Also, did you know how to count? If you don't, we're going to sit through a lecture on how to count. If you count on all ten fingers and put one down one as a placeholder, you can count past ten! ZOMG. I realize this was a novel concept but I don't want to listen to a 10 minute lecture on HOW TO COUNT. Or another lecture on colors!
The first third of the book was filled with rehashing of stories from previous books, which is unnecessarily repetitive. I read those books already, I know what happened.
The middle of the book follows Ayla as she explores caves for her training. I felt that I was following the author as she went one some tours of painted caves. There's painting of a horse! Look, there's a painting of a mammoth! There's some hand prints! There's dots! There's another horse!
It would be potentially more interesting if there was speculation on how or why the paintings were made, but all of these paintings were made by "the ancients", so the ancients we are following have no idea what any of the caves mean.
It was a slide show without slides. That was all.
Then we get to the end. There is the Great Reveal! Which is that when a man and a woman get it on they make babies. Oh dear. This was not the great reveal I would have wanted for the finale of a book series.
I don't know what really happens to Ayla in the future. Does she become a religious leader? It seems like the First has been pushing her into this since the last book, and that's actually annoying because Ayla doesn't even want to be really. She wants to be a wife and a mother, and a healer. WHICH SHE ALREADY WAS. It's like, somebody wants to be a doctor, and they have all the training and they are THE BEST DOCTOR EVER, like the House of her time, but someone says 'Well, you need to get a law degree first! Say goodbye to your husband and child because you're not going to see them much!'
I am fine with a mother wanting a career, that's a good thing. I'm not fine with someone being pushed into a career that they don't necessarily even want. I've been annoyed with the First since the last book because she's scheming to make Ayla into what she wants her to be, damn what Ayla actually wants.
View all my reviews
