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I want to move out
Feb. 20th, 2005 06:11 pmI really do. I don't want to, but I do. I don't want to leave my mom (as annoying as she can be sometimes, I still love her), I don't want to leave my dog (though I could bring him with me if I were able to move somewhere that allowed pets), I don't want to leave my computer (I'll tell you why I can't bring it later), I can't afford to leave, and I don't have a car. But still, I want to move out.
I want to move to Houghton, where I go to school. If I lived in Houghton I would be able to go to swing dance, martial arts meetings, rock climbing meetings with Michelle, I could join drama, I could go to study groups that meet in the evenings, I could have joined broomball, I could go to the SDC in the evenings to swim, I could see certain people *koffkoff* who live in Houghton (anyone important to me that isn't a family member now resides in Houghton, except Carrie, she still lives about a half hour walk away from me, but as I've said, most of the year she lives 6 hours away at LSSU) without having to plan anything so much, so on and so forth.
I don't even need a car really. If I live near enough to campus, I can walk. Hell, for no reason every single night I walk and run for over an hour, after running around on campus all day. Walking is not a problem. Distance is not a problem. When I was at lssu I didn't have a car either, and hell, when I was there I didn't have family around either.
Food would be interesting. But hey, I don't eat much. I think if I was buying just food for myself I really wouldn't be eating much at all, but hey, it's a normal state of being...
Why do I want to move out though? Well, besides the list of benifits that I have? I can't stand being around my brother anymore. We don't always not get along, but when we don't get along (which is pretty damn often!), we really don't get along. Take yesterday for example. He was pulling on the dogs legs (which pisses me off, he's hurting him, and we've been telling him not to bug the dog anymore! My mild-mannered dog is getting very very annoyed with what my brother does now, and he's been starting to growl at him. Mom says if he bites Scottie Gesunt will have to be put to sleep, but does my brother stop bugging my dog? Noooo... Scottie is too stupid to think of that. He continues to lay on him/pull on him/sit on him/hurt him (he's making him squeal more and more!). He thinks it's funny when he makes that squeal sound, even though he knows that means he hurt him. He makes me really angry.
Now back to what I was saying. So I was sitting here at the computer and the dog is laying near me. So Scottie comes over and starts yanking on the dogs legs, and I was like Scottie stop it! You're hurting him! To which he gave me this smug look and continued to do it. So I shoved him off the dog, and Scottie hauls back and punches me in the arm as hard as he can. Yes, he's my little brother, but the damn thing is my size now, and yeah, it hurt. Which made me see red, and I punched him back of course, not as hard as I could but I have restraint. *rolls eyes* Then he starts yelling about me being abusive (WTF???), and I'm like you fucking shithead, you hit me first! Because I was trying to make it so you don't get your face bit off by my dog because of your stupidity! So mom made him go to his room. For like 2 minutes. I'm serious. I thought I'd have a few minutes to cool off, but she let him back down in the time it took to put a load of clothes washing. So she's like 'I hope you learned your lesson' and he didn't feel the least bit upset, and was bitching at me because I'm so horrible.
Then he starts whining to mom (but mom she hit me and my arm still hurts! And I'm like, well, what do you think you did to me? Him: Ooooh, I didn't punch as hard as I could! Me: The point is you tried to hurt me. Him: No I didn't! Me: Swear to god? Him: *mumble mumble* Me: what? Him: Yes, I was trying to hurt you Me: No shit.
He drives me crazy. He doesn't listen to me, he expects me to do everything for him (and if I don't he calls me lazy, and I'm like wtf you little shit, do it yourself, if you won't do things for yourself that makes you lazy, not me!), he tells me to shut up all the time (I'm going to strangle him one day, I really am), he feels that if there is a conversation that I should just sit around mute and not voice my opinions on anything (because then if something in the convo doesn't go his way it's always because OMG I swung the convo in my favor, no matter what!), he's been threatening to hurt me, and now he's starting to try to. Does this piss me off? Yes.
And just 2 seconds ago I had to yell at him because he's drinking my pop. Gramma gave him one can of diet pepsi, now he feels all the cans of diet pepsi are his. He has bottles of pop (many!) that are his. I don't drink regular pop, he does. And even if I did he doesn't share. :P But the cans of diet pepsi are mine, I got them for my bday.
So he's sitting there with a smug grin on his face as he drinks from the can. Stupid fucker.
He gets off on pissing me off. Which is just like his father. I hated his father. His shithead father hasn't been in the picture since he was a baby, but still, I can see Jeff in my brother.
I can't stand him. I can't stand it. I need to get away.
But technically, right now, I really can't.
I want to move to Houghton, where I go to school. If I lived in Houghton I would be able to go to swing dance, martial arts meetings, rock climbing meetings with Michelle, I could join drama, I could go to study groups that meet in the evenings, I could have joined broomball, I could go to the SDC in the evenings to swim, I could see certain people *koffkoff* who live in Houghton (anyone important to me that isn't a family member now resides in Houghton, except Carrie, she still lives about a half hour walk away from me, but as I've said, most of the year she lives 6 hours away at LSSU) without having to plan anything so much, so on and so forth.
I don't even need a car really. If I live near enough to campus, I can walk. Hell, for no reason every single night I walk and run for over an hour, after running around on campus all day. Walking is not a problem. Distance is not a problem. When I was at lssu I didn't have a car either, and hell, when I was there I didn't have family around either.
Food would be interesting. But hey, I don't eat much. I think if I was buying just food for myself I really wouldn't be eating much at all, but hey, it's a normal state of being...
Why do I want to move out though? Well, besides the list of benifits that I have? I can't stand being around my brother anymore. We don't always not get along, but when we don't get along (which is pretty damn often!), we really don't get along. Take yesterday for example. He was pulling on the dogs legs (which pisses me off, he's hurting him, and we've been telling him not to bug the dog anymore! My mild-mannered dog is getting very very annoyed with what my brother does now, and he's been starting to growl at him. Mom says if he bites Scottie Gesunt will have to be put to sleep, but does my brother stop bugging my dog? Noooo... Scottie is too stupid to think of that. He continues to lay on him/pull on him/sit on him/hurt him (he's making him squeal more and more!). He thinks it's funny when he makes that squeal sound, even though he knows that means he hurt him. He makes me really angry.
Now back to what I was saying. So I was sitting here at the computer and the dog is laying near me. So Scottie comes over and starts yanking on the dogs legs, and I was like Scottie stop it! You're hurting him! To which he gave me this smug look and continued to do it. So I shoved him off the dog, and Scottie hauls back and punches me in the arm as hard as he can. Yes, he's my little brother, but the damn thing is my size now, and yeah, it hurt. Which made me see red, and I punched him back of course, not as hard as I could but I have restraint. *rolls eyes* Then he starts yelling about me being abusive (WTF???), and I'm like you fucking shithead, you hit me first! Because I was trying to make it so you don't get your face bit off by my dog because of your stupidity! So mom made him go to his room. For like 2 minutes. I'm serious. I thought I'd have a few minutes to cool off, but she let him back down in the time it took to put a load of clothes washing. So she's like 'I hope you learned your lesson' and he didn't feel the least bit upset, and was bitching at me because I'm so horrible.
Then he starts whining to mom (but mom she hit me and my arm still hurts! And I'm like, well, what do you think you did to me? Him: Ooooh, I didn't punch as hard as I could! Me: The point is you tried to hurt me. Him: No I didn't! Me: Swear to god? Him: *mumble mumble* Me: what? Him: Yes, I was trying to hurt you Me: No shit.
He drives me crazy. He doesn't listen to me, he expects me to do everything for him (and if I don't he calls me lazy, and I'm like wtf you little shit, do it yourself, if you won't do things for yourself that makes you lazy, not me!), he tells me to shut up all the time (I'm going to strangle him one day, I really am), he feels that if there is a conversation that I should just sit around mute and not voice my opinions on anything (because then if something in the convo doesn't go his way it's always because OMG I swung the convo in my favor, no matter what!), he's been threatening to hurt me, and now he's starting to try to. Does this piss me off? Yes.
And just 2 seconds ago I had to yell at him because he's drinking my pop. Gramma gave him one can of diet pepsi, now he feels all the cans of diet pepsi are his. He has bottles of pop (many!) that are his. I don't drink regular pop, he does. And even if I did he doesn't share. :P But the cans of diet pepsi are mine, I got them for my bday.
So he's sitting there with a smug grin on his face as he drinks from the can. Stupid fucker.
He gets off on pissing me off. Which is just like his father. I hated his father. His shithead father hasn't been in the picture since he was a baby, but still, I can see Jeff in my brother.
I can't stand him. I can't stand it. I need to get away.
But technically, right now, I really can't.
